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Archive-name: howard-stern/faq On November 28th, this FAQ was modified to comment on Howard's internet access. On March 7th, a url or two was fixed, and two markets were added. A question about "Unclean Beaver", the 1982 Howard Stern album (where I first heard Howard) was added. This newsgroup was formed so that fans of Howard Stern can discuss the happenings on the show, the comings and goings, and other activities of Howard Stern. Some folks don't like Howard Stern. We know that. You don't have to take time out of your busy schedule to tell us that. The answer here is the same as Howard's answer: If you don't like it, turn the dial, switch bands, change the station, find another newsgroup. In particular, we recognize that there are many tastes and many other radio personalities. If you have a personality you really like, do what I did with Howard: Start a fan group for them. Leave us out of it. Frequently asked questions about Howard Stern: 1. Who is Howard Stern? (Frequently heard from NONUS folks - people who live in the US have no more excuse for not having heard of Howard than they have for not having heard of O.J. Simpson.) 1a. Howard Stern is a radio personality. He came to national attention in the USA while working in New York, and currently resides there. He also had a syndicated TV show, and an interview show on the E Network (a US Based cable channel), which was recently nominated for a cable 'Ace' award. Currently, E carries a half hour edited version of his radio program, but with pictures. His New Years Rotten Eve PPV event (New Year's Eve 1993-New Year's Day 1994) was the highest grossing non-sports PPV event ever recorded. He is frequently labeled a 'shock jock'. Your immediate thought might be, "Oh, like xxxxxx (insert name of local shock jock in wherever you are)." No, xxxxxx is like Howard Stern. Howard has been around for years, he is well known, and chances are that this week xxxxxx is doing whatever Howard was doing last week. If xxxxxx has the balls. And more and more people, throughout the country, are finding this out, as they watch his show, or listen to him in syndication. Howard has made many TV appearances, including multiple appearances on Jay Leno's Tonight Show, and The David Letterman Show, as well as a smattering of the daytime talk shows. 2. What station does Howard Stern's TV show play on in my area? Or, I heard that Howard's show was cancelled. Is it true? 2a. Howard's original TV show was in reruns, and is now off of the air. Depending on who you listen to, it was cancelled, or Howard quit. I personally believe (and heard this version, once, on-the-air) that WWOR Channel 9 wanted Howard to do it for the same money he got the prior year, and Howard wanted a bigger budget and more money. Channel 9 folks decided that they couldn't give Howard more money *and* make any money on the show, they wanted to cut the budget. So Channel 9 executives wanted to put themselves in a good light by claiming that they fired Howard and made such an announcement. If you get the E! Network on cable or satellite, you should now be able to get Howard's edited radio show. Unfortunately, I don't. Neither does Howard. 3. No, I can't take it. I have to have Howard on my TV. Is there any way? 3a. No, other than the E! show, or swapping old videotapes. E! is on at least one of the new 18" dish services, so if your cable company doesn't carry E at night, you may be able to get his show that way. Check on this yourself before spending $700 to get a dish, and IRD. As of November 28th, 1994, you can still call 1-800-52-STERN and order a copy of the backstage tape of the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV. 4. Where can Howard be received on the Radio? 4a. Currently, he broadcasts, daily, from WXRK, K-Rock, 92.3 FM from New York City. This signal is good enough to cover most of New York City and the surrounding areas. This signal is simulcast in Philadelphia (WYSP-FM, 94.1), Baltimore (on WJFK-AM 1300), and Washington, DC (WJFK-FM, 106.7 FM, actually from Manassas, VA, so the signal may not be good in the northern suburbs), and is simulcast in LA and then rebroadcast on tape delay when morning drive starts. The LA times and frequency are: 97.1 FM KLSX from 3 to 6am live, and then tape delayed from 6 to 11am. The LA rebroadcast is extra long because they insert (yech) traffic reports and local stuff. Howard's show is still spreading. He is in Las Vegas (KFBI), Cleveland (WNCX 98.5), Dallas (KEGL, 97.1), and Chicago (but no longer). There is also 103.9 FM (Q104 - WQBK) in Albany, and Rochester, NY (WQRI 95.1). Howard claims that many more stations would carry him but for the FCC's vendetta against him, and has specifically mentioned Jesse Helms and Atlanta. Note that WLUP settled with the FCC and paid a reduced fine. As part of the settlement, the FCC has agreed to issue specific indecency guidelines. According to rumors, any settlement of this sort may have been another violation of the contract they signed with Infinity and Howard. WWKB from Buffalo, NY (1520 AM) carries Howard starting at 6 AM Eastern Time. This is a 50,000 Watt clear channel station, and reception reports seem good. In the winter, before dawn local time and Buffalo time, look for him there. Howard is on in New Orleans, on station WRNO-FM at 99.5. In Boston, Howard is on 104.1 WCBN from 7 PM until the show ends. Myrtle Beach (WYAV - 104.1) was graced with Howard's presense recently, and folks in the South San Francisco bay area can get Howard on KOME in San Jose, mornings. El Paso, Texas (KAMZ 93.1), and now, Orlando, Florida "Real Radio" (WBCN-104.1) (I'm goin to Disneyworld!) are recent additions. And finally, the one that really matters to me, since I live in Boca Raton now: 105.9 WBGG "Howard Stern in the morning, 70's rock all day", which comes booming in all through Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, as far south as the Northern Keys, and as far north as West Palm Beach. I'd also expect coverage in the nearer Bahama islands, such as Bimini and Freeport, at least with a roof antenna. So now Howard has two foreign markets: Canada and The Bahamas. And, most likely, Cuba. Howard's third foreign market is Tiajuana, Mexico. Tiajuana has stations which broadcast in English to Southern California, specifically the San Diego area. San Diego has stations that broadcast in Spanish. I don't get it. Tiajuana's call sign is XTRA-FM (Mexican stations have call signs that begin with X) at 91.1 on your dial. Email your comments to Michael Halloran at halloran@91X.com. Howard's 20th market is Phoenix, Arizona, where he can be heard on KHOT hot talk radio at 100.3 FM. The AM Station that simulcasts Howard along with all-talk FM KHOT is KGME 1360 ("The Game"), an otherwise all sports station. Howard is not on shortwave unless someone is pirating his stuff. AM is Medium Wave (MW) for you nonus folks. Finally, you may be able to get Howard on cable. Several of these stations have satellite uplinks (including WXRK) and your cable company may rebroadcast them on the FM band, perhaps at a different frequency. I understand, for example, that in San Diego, Daniel's Cablevision rebroadcasts the LA station that carries Howard at 98.5. Consult your cable company for information about hooking your FM receiver to your cable. For a much better station list including call-in numbers and so forth, check out this url: http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/txt/stationlist.txt 5. I'm not in any of those places. Is there a satellite feed for WXRK? 5a. No, not that can be picked up with consumer equipment. WXRK used to be broadcast by SCPC on Hughes Galaxy 2 channel 03, at about 57.5, according to Mark Geyman. WXRK's uplink is now in digital form, and can't be received as SCPC anymore. This is the best info I have about decoding Howard's satellite feed, and is pure hearsay: Here is something I saw on rec.video.satellite recently: Well if you work at a radio station, and have an extra selector on your sedat card your not using, you can pick up Stern on Satcom C5 Transponder 23 SEDAT channel 15. Stern airs from 6a to Noon I believe. I've seen another posting saying that it is channel 14. I have also heard that the company that makes these decoders will sell one to anyone, and I've heard that it is not scrambled, just encoded, so with the right $4000? $10000? decoder, and a dish, you can pick Howard up. Ask on one of the satellite groups. There is some difference of opinion as to whether you just need the decoder, or whether you also need to pay WXRK for a key to their feed. I've heard both on the net. Find out for sure before you invest. 6. How can one be expected to figure out who is who among the regulars on the show? 6a. Listen for a while. Want to take a shortcut? Here is an effort to explain: Howard Stern - The head of the asylum. The ruler of the roost, the King on NY Radio, and All Media, and other points. Robin Quivers - Howard's sidekick. Officially his news reporter, she is also the confidant and instigator in many cases, and also (occasionally) feeds him lines from the privacy of her news studio. She has a button on her console that she can push so that her microphone is directly connected to Howard's headphones, and she isn't heard by guests or listeners. Her news reports normally consist of reading the paper, and a few things that are put together by her interns. None the less, the news reports are frequently the most entertaining part of the show, as Howard comments on everything. Robin happens to be black. On Whoopi Goldberg's first live appearance on the show, Whoopi looked at Robin, did a double take, and mouthed so that she couldn't be heard on the air, "You're Black!" Robin looked at herself, and nodded agreement. Whoopi pointed at the microphone, and mouthed, "Do they know?" Fred Norris, King of Mars - Fred handles sound effects (paints) and also keeps the show on schedule. When Howard started broadcasting in NY, frequently he would just push off the commercials for an hour. Now that they are syndicated, he has to take breaks at regular intervals. Fred cracks the whip. He is on the writing team. Fred also does voices for the occasional (these days) radio 'movie' and as the Nazi in the 'Guess who's the Jew' bits. Fred also does song parodies, and is a reasonably talented musician. He is now in a band. Robin frequently reads extremely gory, tragic news stories, and Fred will play a sound effect of Jackie laughing at the most tragic point. Jackie The Jokeman Martling - Jackie is a comic who never quite made it big, notably because his standup isn't very good IMHO. He writes full time for the Howard Stern show, and makes a fair bit of money doing local appearances as well, pushed by plugs from the show. One wonders when he sleeps. Maybe during the show. I originally wrote this quite a while back, and since then, I've thought about this a bit. I still don't think Jackie is a very good stand-up comedian, but I've gained new respect for him as a writer. Jackie's main job, during the show, is not to take abuse, but to write spontaneous jokes on a piece of paper with a sharpee and pass them to Howard. Check out http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/txt/jokeman-online.txt for a transcript of an interview with Jackie. He has incessant problems with his fingernails and toenails. You may hear references to 'fingercots' or 'miniature rubbers on his fingers' in connection with Jackie. A while back, it was announced that this was because he uses medication for fingernail fungus on his fingers which he holds in place with fingercots, which look like miniature condoms, and are essentially independent latex fingers from latex gloves with circular rims, like condoms, to reinforce the open end. More recently, I've heard it announced that it was because he is allergic to paper, and since he needs to handle paper on the show (to throw at guests and pass notes to Howard). +1 516 922 WINE gets you a schedule of his upcoming appearances, and it is a normal toll call (no 900 style surcharge) but has a few ads, and a few jokes. There is more than 30 minutes of material on the new all-digital line. He is also on the writing team, as the head writer. Jackie gets two plugs a day, by contract, and also, because of his contract, you didn't see his face on the E show, although this seems to have been resolved. Jackie will sell you his latest comedy album by phone. Call 1-800-323-KING. Gary (Baba Booey) Dell'Abate - The show's producer. He arranges guests, insures that the office part of the show gets done, and so forth. For those of you who've read Gulliver, he is also Howard's chief flapper - he is generally the one who makes the judgment as to whether or not someone speaks to Howard when they call up with a beef. He is called Baba Booey after his mispronunciation of Baba Looey, Quick Draw McGraw's sidekick on the Hanna-Barbera cartoon show. He was buying animation cels, and didn't know how to pronounce the name of the character, despite professing fandom. Gary does occasional personal appearances, for which he gets plugs. Gary is married. Despite predictions, some of them mine, he is still Baba Booey. He was making noise about registering Bababooey as a trademark recently. He is famous for the 'repeat after me' bit. These days, he is also 'Fa-fa'fooey, sa-sa-smelley, ra-ra-retard (which he hates) and so forth. He recently fathered a baby booey, named Jackson. John (Stuttering John) Melandez - Hero of the stupid. He is paid in notoriety [he is now getting a salary for doing interviews] (he gets to plug his band appearances and occasional personal appearances, and has gotten a record contract because of his connections. John has been signed by Atlantic Records). and is typically sent out to interview celebrities. The questions are all prepared, but sometimes he gets to adlib. John's record contract has produced an album, which actually isn't that bad. You should be able to pick up "Stuttering John" at your record store. If you want an autographed copy, you can dial +1-201-942-OUCH. Scott the Engineer - mixes tapes, inserts the bleeps so that you can still hear the cursing in the background, and is hapless when it comes to fixing the console. He is employed by WXRK as Chief Engineer, and he is in the Union. He is making additional money because he gets a daily plug, which he has used to build up a DJ business/network. He has a number of DJ's who work for him and provide canned music for parties, weddings (Gary was married and used Scott's service, Rocket Entertainment) and so forth. This is good, because Scott smokes like a chimney and I wouldn't want him at one of my parties. +1-718-BAG-5040. Gorilla (Steve Grillo, but they call him Gorilla on the show) is an intern who wants to be a radio personality someday, but who first needs to learn how to talk in English. We almost never hear about Robin's news interns. Billy West, the voice of Ren and Stimpy, does three days a week on Howard's show, doing various voices. I believe, for example, that he did Marge Shott (see the sound archive) and does 'Red', and 'Evil Jay'. Billy adds a lot to the show, but rarely speaks as himself. When he does, he seems to be funnier than Jackie. His impression of Larry Fine at Woodstock is classic. Stuttering Vic is a new character on the show. He is of Indian (the subcontinent) ancestry, and has admitted on the show that his mother has worn a dot on her head. Howard appears to be grooming Vic to take over John's interviewing Job, but so far, IMHO, Vic doesn't appear to get it. Ralph Cirella is Howard Stern's hairdresser, makeup man, and so forth. He chooses clothes for Howard (or has done so in the past) and generally follows him around. He is known for his haplessness, long hair, the berry on his face, and for generally being a loser. The 'Whack Pack' consists of Stern fans who (sometimes) hang around together, occasionally get on the show, and so forth. These include people like Fred the Elephant Boy, who has a speech impediment, Captain Janks, who makes phony phone calls, Celeste, who dragged one leg, Siovhan (pronounced chivonne or [almost] chiffon) the transvestite, who has quit crossing over and is now squatting in a New York City owned building, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, a loon who tried to blow smoke from his eyes on the TV show, and so forth. Some of these folks have tried to parlay their notoriety into careers: Janks has an CD of phony phone calls out, Fred makes appearances with wrestlers, KKK is trying to get a comedy career together, and so forth. The Whack Pack is not as popular as it once was, but we still hear from Fred and Janks frequently. 7. How can you listen to someone who is as racist/homophobic/anti woman/etc. as Howard Stern? 7a. You just don't get it, do you? Howard is none of those things, in spades: He is an equal opportunity denigrator. Sooner or later he will kick one of your sacred cows in the balls, to mix metaphors in an udderly improbable manner. But he is still very funny. Someone on this newsgroup once said that a lot of Howard's humor comes from the sort of attitude that says, "Look at all of this crap in the world around us! Isn't it wierd? Isn't it funny? Sit in our circle and we'll let you in on the joke." Well, some of us think that we get the joke. 8. Is Howard Stern half Jewish? 8a. Definitely. The question is, what is the other half? We have to differentiate between the persona that Howard plays on the radio, and the real Howard. According to Howard's radio persona, it is not Jewish, perhaps WASP. The half-Jewish identity may be something that Howard puts on so that he can insult both Christians and Jews with impunity. However, he is equally free with insults of Muslims, Hindus, etc. It may also be something that he does to avoid anti-semitism. Some folks on the net believe that the other half is Italian, based on something that Howard said a while back. Others point out that you can be a Jewish Italian, so this may have been another joke. The Jewish half and the Italian half may well be the same half. It is pretty clear based on statements that Howard's sister made on the radio that Howard, in Real Life(tm), is Jewish. Also, Howard has recently admitted, on the air, that he is all Jewish, and claimed that he was half Jewish to avoid anti-Semitism. 9. I want to write to Howard and tell him (what a dickhead | how wonderful) he is. What is the address? 9a. His address is: The Howard Stern Show 600 Madison Avenue New York, NY 10016 Particularly vehement and stupid hate letters are likely to get read on the air. Clueless ones well may earn a phone call. If you really can't wait, fax him at (212) 759-KFAX. 10. How do I get a copy of "Crucified by the FCC"? I called 1-800-52-STERN, and they didn't have a clue. 10a.They never had a clue, but at one time they could take orders for the album. The album hasn't been for sale for quite a while, and is now a "collector's item". This just goes to prove that you should always buy every Howard Stern premium offered, immediately. The 1-800-52-STERN was in use for Butt Bongo Fiesta, and was then in use for for the backstage tape of New Year's Rotten Eve, which he swears will soon be turned off. As soon as everyone in Miami buys a copy of the tape. 11. I don't get enough bababooey in the morning. I want my computer to say 'bababooie' instead of beeping at me. I have a Mac/Amiga/Soundblaster/NeXT box that can talk, and I want it to talk. 11a.This (alt.fan.howard-stern) is not in the binaries hierarchy. Of course, you can post anything you want. If various sysops notice that this group has become a binaries group, they will treat it like one, and those connected by phone line or concerned about disk space may not carry it. As a hint: If your sysop does not carry the alt.binaries tree, they are unlikely to carry this group if it begins carrying binaries. If you do want to post digitized soundbytes, please post them to alt.binaries.sounds.misc, or alt.sex.sounds, as appropriate, and post here saying that you've done so, and other things about the sounds, like maybe what the message ids are or when you posted them, or how many parts. Anything seems to go there. I've seen whole songs posted there in 41 parts. Also, Harry has made Stern fans a generous offer. His words: In honor of Howard, I'm willing to offer up my machine as a central ftp site for Howard-related items. I'll put the stuff in: krishna.cs.umd.edu:pub/stern This should provide a more permanent repository than uunet's /tmp. I've copied these images here to start things off. I encourage all the Stern fans out there to add stuff to this collection. In particular, I would like to collect sound bites (like "fafafoohee", or Jackie's "tragic news item" laugh, for instance) and I'd like to see some gifs scanned in from his book, or maybe frames grabbed from Butt Bongo (though the quality on these images tends to suck). If you have something to download to ftp, send me email and I'll tell you how to do this. You won't be able to drop things off directly, I'll have to tell you where to put them (to keep the world at random from dumping on me). This will last as long as it doesn't become a problem. I'd appreciate it if you waited until the evening or early morning (East Coast time) to get stuff, but unless this becomes a problem I'm not going to worry about it too much. -harry --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spoken: Harry Mantakos Domain: harry@cs.umd.edu UUCP: uunet!mimsy!harry Phone: 301-405-2750 USPS: U of Maryland, CS Dept., College Park, MD 20742 Harry's initial offer has grown to a rich, complicated web site. He has gif's, soundbytes, original articles, and weekly features. This is worth checking out. Web users can try the following url: http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/ or, if krishna's web server is down, file://krishna.cs.umd.edu/pub/stern Another Howard Stern page is: http://force.stwing.upenn.edu:8001/~jruspini/stern/stern.html If anyone knows of any other Howard Stern URL's, please email me at njs@scifi.emi.net. 12. I can't believe it. Do people really strip naked in Howard's studio, or is it a put on? Is it theatre of the mind, or is it really happening? 12a.According to Mark Levy, yes they do. And I have it on good authority that Howard drinks Poland Spring water (Take that, Georgia!). (Note that both of these items can be seen, somewhat edited, on the E! show.) Additionally, if you can get a copy of the New Year's Eve Pageant, there was a fair amount of 'getting naked in the studio' footage there. I believe that some percentage of the folks who call in are bogus, but they are putting Howard on at the same time they are putting us on. 13. Why is is when Howard says mini-system in that ad, that everyone responds (exaggerating mini-). 13a.A number of years ago, there was a comedian who regularly appeared on the Howard Stern radio show called Crazy Jerry, who used to do 'impersonations' in a flat voice, the most famous of which is, "This is Mother Theresa speaking from the bed. God don't want me yet, man, I got more feet to taste." Crazy Jerry brought in a 'mentally challenged' girl who had a speech impediment who used to do the 'gina dance' (figure it out) and, when she quit appearing, brought in a guy who did the 'peepee dance'. I suspect, from things alluded to by Howard, that he has agreed not to replay any of those shows, since he was convinced that the girl, especially, didn't really want to do this stuff, but was convinced by Jerry although she wasn't competent to make the decision. The mini-skirt, gina dance, peepee dance, and "I love you, Jerry," all came from this response stuff that was done between Crazy Jerry and his sidekicks. (Note that this is my memory talking. There is another version of this story in another faq which the author claims to have tape backup for, so they are likely right. I still like my version better. Here is the other version, verbatim:) Q. What do you know about Gina (rhymes with Carolina) Girl? A. In late 1988 this woman called up Howard saying she loves him and she does the 'Gina dance. Howard sensed quickly that this woman was a little "off" and he asked her if so- she said she's not retarded, just "slow". She came down to the studio with Crazy Jerry, who was not her boyfriend but more of a companion. Well she did the Gina dance, laying down naked on the floor, but almost no one really saw it - Howard and even Jackie averted their eyes because she was too heavy to be appealing. About that time Rain Man had been a hit movie, so Howard called up Gina Girl again and got her to say some lines for his new radio movie "China Girl," starring out of the closet Stern. It was in this movie that she uttered the words made famous, "mini-dress" (usually at the same time as saying "naked dance") Howard was trying to fix up Steve Rossi and Gina Gina Girl but I don't think it ever happened. I have this all on tape and that's why I can give you this detail. All the attribution I have on this is: testnet!pr@pegasus.att.com 14. What about Howard's book? Is it any good? Can I get mine signed? 14a.Yes, Howard Stern has a book out, called "Howard Stern's Private Parts". IMHO, and in the opinion of a number of reviewers, it is actually a worthwhile piece of literature. As I write this, it completes its second week as #1 on the New York Times best seller list, entering the list at #1. Howard says that he wrote it, but he freely gives credit to a collaborator (an essay about this appears in the book) and to his editor (who moved into his house). There is no doubt that this is a collective effort and I believe that, unlike some celebrity books, Howard did a significant amount of work on the book personally, using the professionals to help him plan and polish. I believe that it was a successful effort as well. There were a number of book signings. It looks like there will be no more for the hardback (but there were some for the paperback, but those have come to an end as well). Howard attracted a record number of people to his Wall Street, NY signing (where I got mine signed, and was on FOX 5 news that night having it signed), and signed a record number of books, the previous record being held by Mohammed Ali, the boxer. The problem was that the crowd was too hard to manage (according to the police), and the police wouldn't let him sign for as long as he needed to. It sounds like a new record was set in LA. 8000 books. Personally, if I hadn't had mine signed, I'd mail it to the show, with a pleading letter, and a check for $25 (since that was what he offered a signature to the paraplegic from Cleveland for) as well as a self-addressed, postage paid mailer. At best, they will sign it and send it back, and at worst they will keep it (which is what they threatened to do when they still thought that they could have managable book signings) and you'll have to buy another copy. Now, Howard has put out a paperback version of the book, with 64 new pages (but only 4-5 pages of new writing), two different covers, and --- new book signing dates. This is an event not to be missed, if you are anywhere in the area. Take the day off, take the day before off, plan on camping in line, bring a plastic bag for your book. These paperback signings seem to have stopped, but there is always hope that there will be another one. Movie rights have been sold, and a movie is in the works. The screen play has been through one rewrites and the planned director, John Avildson, has quit. Do not confuse this with the paperback book titled Howard Stern, Big Mouth, by Jeff Menell. Make up your own mind, but IMHO, this isn't worth wasting your money on. 15. I'm looking for a BBS related to Howard Stern. 15a.Dimnah BBS (703) 276-8060 has the Washington area's "only Howard Stern conference. Also includes a Howard Stern fanclub. .gifs and .bmps are available through the users." Also, Off Our Rockers BBS (201) 727-6917. Please download some gifs, according to one poster. Howard Stern BBS (free) was also mentioned recently in the newsgroup. 1-718-449-4534 Several commercial services have Howard Stern areas there, including GEnie. 16. What about all these other FAQs I see here? 16a.I think they are a great idea. More power to them. Between all of the FAQs, we'll get the Stern info to the masses. :-) If any other FAQ owners want to cross post to the answers group, I'll restructure this one so that it goes in a subdir and there is room for everyone. (This has been done. There is room for everyone. It isn't that hard to make your FAQ into a first class FAQ. Read the news.answers faq for how to crosspost there and to have your faq stored on rtfm.mit.edu.) The most notable of these is the UFAQ (Unauthorized FAQ is an oxymoron, as no one authorizes a FAQ) which you can get by FTP from krishna.cs.umd.edu, as mentioned above. 17. I think that the Daniel Carver stuff is hilarious. I want to hear the KKK line on a weekly basis so that I can laugh my ass off. Also, I want to write to Daniel Carver so that I can enourage him to appear on Howard more! 17a.It takes all kinds. The hotline number is said to be (404) 967-3479. I called the number and it doesn't answer. Write Daniel at P.O. Box 446, Oakwood, GA 30566. 18. Is Howard Stern really running for Governor of New York? 18a.Well, Howard Stern was nominated by the Libertarian Party of New York as its candidate for Governor. He had announced a reason for running, and a platform. The Libertarians are a serious party. They are considered the third largest national party, and, as a general political philosophy, believe that any coercion by government, except in very limited circumstances, is immoral. However, it has been reported that Howard's lawyer has testified that Howard is doing this only as a publicity stunt, and furthermore, Howard himself has said that he will never comply with the financial disclosure requirements of the NYS Election laws. This means that he could never be a candidate, or that if he does run, he might be guilty of a crime, and might be prosecuted for it. Draw your own conclusions. [As of August 4th, 1994, Howard withdrew as a candidate for Governor of New York. The apparent reason was that he did not want to comply with the financial disclosure laws.] Following his withdrawal, he endorsed the Republican candidate for Governor of New York, George Pataki, who, shortly thereafter, proceeded to come from well behind in the polls, and who has won the election. The results indicated that in demographic groups which listen to Howard, in Howard's listening areas, last minute shifts from 'undecided' to 'Pataki' occurred. 19. Is Howard on the Internet? 19a.Various rumors of various WXRK staff being on various on-line services have surfaced from time to time. Robin is said to be on Compu$erv, and Gary was/is on Prodigy. But Howard has recently gotten OS/2 Warp, and had activated the Internet Access bonus package. On November 28th 1994, he admitted that he spent four hours using the Internet Access package, on the previous Saturday night, cruising the web, reading this newsgroup and others, and so forth. It is not clear if he will ever do it again, and he didn't give his email address. He did say that the internet was worldwide, and that he looked at a coffeepot in England. He also said that it was 'better than Prodigy because it was uncensored'. His comments about the newsgroup were that it was pretty much the same sort of idiots who call in to his show. He also asked us not to fax him about his definition of the Internet (which was slightly better than his usual mutilation of computer terms. Howard may finally be starting to become computer literate). 20. Whatever happened to Jessica Hahn/Pat Cooper/Richard Simmons? 20a.Howard is feuding with them, or they are feuding with Howard. Jessica Hahn first achieved notoriety as the rape victim of Jim Bakker (a TV Evangelist, who was jailed for financial irregularities in his ministry). Howard called her up while she was hiding in her trailer in Long Island, got her in touch with some 'people' who made a deal with Playboy for big bucks, and got her a life. For a while, Jessica had a career because of this incident, her Playboy exposure, and because she was on the Howard Stern Show all of the time, mostly the latter. Jessica promised to be on the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV. Her boyfriend made her not being on the show a condition of continuing their relationship. Jessica backed out and Howard banned her from the show. It is clear to me that Howard does not want her back, unless she is willing to provide him 'good radio', which would include her doing something personally humiliating. The particular punishment now proposed is that the whole cast would pick their noses and collect a large booger, which she would roll into a ball and stick to her nose for the duration of her appearance. Pat Cooper was an old line comedian who cut his teeth in the Catskill circuit (borscht belt), and whose career had fallen into the toilet because he managed to piss off everyone he had any dealings with. He managed to get an appearance on Howard's show and did good radio, and Howard had him back several times. Suddenly he was in demand, and his appearances sold out. Then, he decided that Howard had slighted him because he didn't invite him to his E! interview show. Howard pried this out of him via telephone, and invited him in, promising to put the footage on the new E! show. In his shortest appearance ever, he walked in to the Howard Stern Radio show, blasted everyone on the show, and walked out. It was great radio, and they went on about his appearance for two days. He has an open invitation back on to the show at any time. Richard Simmons had a career before he got on Howard's show, as an exercise and diet guru. He seemed to have a lot of fun on Howard's show, becoming a personal friend of Howard, stopping by Howard's house for dinner, giving presents to his children, and so forth. But he had one major character flaw: He was a Barbara Streisand fan, and insisted on Howard seeing Prince of Tides with him. He ragged on Howard, on the air, until Howard promised to see Prince of Tides with Richard. But Howard can't abide Streisand, and had no intention of seeing Prince of Tides. This was the start, IMHO, of Richard's avoidance of Howard. Then, there was a tabloid report of Richard Simmons allegedly paying a bellboy to spank him in his hotel room. The next time Richard was on the Howard Stern show, Howard ragged on Richard about this, and wouldn't let it go. He never really got a true answer from Richard, but it was apparent that this affected Simmons, and he hasn't ever been back. A comment made by Gary was that Richard wasn't having fun on the show anymore. I believe that they would have Richard Simmons back if he wanted to come back. 21. Does Howard really have a small penis? 21a.How would I know, for sure? (Don't answer that.) But this is what I know about penis size, and what Howard has said, over time, on the radio. There are two types of men folks in the world: Those whose penises enlarge significantly when engorged because of erection, and those who do not. Typically, this does not affect the final, erect size of the penis, at least on average. Also, typically, this is a genetic thing, and is inherited, and may also be associated with race. Those whose penises do not enlarge are at an 'advantage' in the locker room because they look larger in the flaccid state, and unless the men with the enlarging penises are in a partial state of arousal, they are at a disadvantage. Howard claims that he is "hung like a raisin". This is clearly part of his persona. But he has also said, on the air, that it gets larger when he is aroused, and has even said that it is adequate in size at that time. We can only, therefore, assume that Howard has a small penis when not aroused, and an average size penis when aroused. 22. I've seen a new Howard Stern album in the stores! Why isn't Howard hyping it? 22a."Unclean Beaver" is a re-issue of an old (1982) album, originally titled "50 Ways to Rank Your Mother" that was issued before Howard came to WNBC New York. Howard has mentioned it on the air a few times. He wrote a deal that caused him to not recieve any money when this album was first produced, and probably would rather that you *not* buy this album. The Howard Stern on this album is a very early version of the Howard Stern we now hear on the air. There are a few very funny bits on the album: Neil Young's Cat is a timeless bit of humor that captures the essense of Neil's singing ability. "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OJ" shows that OJ really was never able to hide his essense from Howard. Material that didn't wear as well, such as the "Unclean Beaver" episodes still give one an insight into the early Washington shows. Since Howard says that you shouldn't buy it, I suppose that you should do penance if you buy it by making copies for anyone who asks. Someone taped a copy of the record for me back in 1982 (which is why Howard didn't make any money on it, I guess) and that was my first exposure to Howard. I thought it was funny and topical back then. -- Nick Simicich - njs@scifi.emi.net - (last choice) njs@bcrvm1.vnet.ibm.com http://scifi.emi.net/njs.html -- Stop by and Light Up The World!